Inner Child JOY

She’s proud of you.

Your inner child is someone who admires the woman that you’ve become. She’s filled with joy, and she feels safe with you.

She’s experiencing life with the tools and inner work you’ve done, and are continuing to do to make this possible.

The aisle she’s walking down is filled with tenacity, anticipation, and experiences far more than you could’ve ever dreamed.

Pieces of the crown are fit for a Queen on her throne of resilience, courage and abundance.

The layers of protection are thick, aware and forgives the past mistakes made out of trauma responses, knowledge at the time and the means of survival.

Your faith and strength stands taller than beanstalks that aren’t cut down by raised voices and shifted blame.

The joy in her laughter is authentic because the comfort felt at home and the peace that is unfolding in her moments of solitude are finally making sense. .

Your inner child isn’t just tasting cotton candy, she’s feeling it. The sugar rush isn’t slowing down.

She’s happy.

I Met My Younger Self for Coffee

I met my younger self for coffee.

I was ten minutes early; she was right on time.

I ordered a Flat White; she ordered a London Fog with extra vanilla. 

I tilted my head, closed my eyes, and exhaled. She looked at me in complete awe and smiled. 

We both have a matching red lip stain. Some things never change. 

“What’s been on your mind lately?” She asked.

I paused. Wondering if I should let it all out. I smiled and said, “Not much, just taking things day by day.” 

She said she’s thinking about giving up on therapy after one session. I assured her that after eight years of consistency, it’s worth it and necessary.

She gazed out the window and said, “But if I quit now, I’d be starting all over again.”

I assured her that quitting and starting over with intentionality for her true passion is the best decision she could ever make. 

She said that she really wants to travel, write and explore the world.

I told her that I moved abroad, life is getting better and I’m in love with my first full novel.  

She doesn’t know this, but I think about her often. It’s her perseverance, courage, and mistakes along the way that has shaped me into the woman I am today.

Before leaving, she gave me a tight hug and whispered, “I’m so proud of you.”

Rest: Hell, My Body Needs This

Rest.

There is a powerful message in the concept of filling your own cup. Yes, filling your cup, allowing your cup to overflow and learning daily, that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

But what do you do when your cup is dry? Not empty, but dry?

Rest.

In my first published book, I wrote a small note to myself about my cup being chipped, empty and dry at times. That was my first self-reminder about its importance.

“What comes out of the cup is for ya”ll. What’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full. ”

— Iyanla Vanzant

This past week, I experienced JOY, happiness, fatigue, grief, and all the emotions that make us human. Right? I pay close attention to the days I feel fatigued and exhausted. Lack of rest and clarity can disrupt quite a bit in our daily lives, I am a huge advocate for naps! Or in other words, resting my eyes. Our bodies can feel, detect and warn us when it is time to slow down, take a pause and FULL on stop.

This memo was loud and clear for me this past week. I fully cancelled Thursday.

Thursday morning, I was halfway through an assignment and multiple e-mails. Needless to say, I had so many tabs open in my mind; a growing to-do list, imposter syndrome wouldn’t let me rest, and I was constantly going on a few hours of sleep. I had class within the hour, so my anxiety crept upon me and wouldn’t allow me to type let alone finish my assignment. I began to panic.

Oh! To add insult to injury, the weather was a mixture of rain, snow, bitter cold, and I checked my ovulation calendar …let’s just say, I cried a salty river. I came to the abrupt conclusion, I needed to rest.

I’ve grown from feeling guilty when I take a day off, skip an assignment, call out from anything, and simply put ME first. I’ve grown past that. I recognize that everyone’s situation and circumstances may be different, but it took some severe ill moments for me, personally, to learn this.

Right before my move to Philly, I was committed to the hospital. I was in the hospital as a result of stress and exhaustion. I was still committed to finishing up my transition reports at work , packing my apartment, financial budgeting, trying to maintain my sanity and all the things in between. I had some amazing moments with friends before I left Atlanta, but stress and exhaustion had me weak and in a hospital bed. This wasn’t the first time, but I vowed it would be the last, if I had any control over it. I knew my breaking points, but I ignored them.

Last Thursday, it felt good to be on do not disturb in all aspects; with work, school, personal relationships and all. I even muted the dating apps! I stripped down, allowed my tears to flow and slept all day. I realized I had emotions I needed to feel, productivity I needed to put at a halt, and honestly shut down and rest. My body needed it. I’ve been at capacity, and moving forward I am holding myself accountable to paying attention to that a bit more.

Living a life of ease, patience, and rest is what I am committed to. That is a component of self-care and self-love is for me.

What did Savannah (Whitney Houston) say in Waiting to Exhale? “Hell, my body needs this.” I felt Savannah on the level she was coming from, but in this context, I’m speaking rest.

It’s Sunday evening and I am basking in my rest and pleasures. I have a glass of dry red wine, chocolate covered cashews, and Jumping the Broom is playing as background noise. I’ve shared my current read below, and I have found that reading throughout the week has added a switch up to my daily routine.

I encourage you to find something simple to switch up your weekly routines to avoid burnout. Maybe make a fun to-do list that relates to things that you find enjoyable, things you can mix into your daily work and pleasure habits. Find time for YOU and REST.

Take care.

Current read: WILL - Memoir by Will Smith

Would you all like my weekly reads? My writing playlists? Leave a comment below, let me know.

Heather J.

Free Mind: Small Progress is Progress

Free Mind.

The thoughts that were going through my mind this morning were thoughts of gratitude and adoration for self. True appreciation and comfort for self.

I’m so fucking proud of ME.

After my self-massage out of the shower, I looked at myself in the mirror and spoke those words to myself, I really meant it. I focused on who I was in that exact moment, the space surrounding me and who was looking at. I reflected on this past week. A smile appeared, I laughed. I am proud of me.

I don’t tell myself that enough.

The small steps toward my own healing and growth make me proud; I am able to recognize my own progress. This past Wednesday, I was able to be honest with myself in a session with my psychiatrist about a particular situation that recently transpired. After a helpful suggestion, I responded by saying out loud “my emotional maturity about that isn’t where it needs to be right now.” You may read this and think it’s simple. It’s not. It was not easy admitting that out loud, but when I did, I was honest. That is what really mattered to me in that moment. The ability to be honest, receive feedback, and remind myself that it may take some time to get me there. So until I am there, I was encouraged to spend time with that feeling. Not having an immediate solution works well for me. Also, with this situation and in that moment what was most helpful and rewarding to me was identifying and acknowledging my emotions.

This past week, I resonated and re-posted an image seen on social media: “say it with me: I can be proud of myself and want more for myself at the same damn time” (MichellCClark). Both can be at the same time, yes. There are some days I struggle with the latter more than others and find myself drowning in thoughts of comparison. I can be honest and say that. But even wanting more for myself can be areas of growth on the internal work I’m doing.

Focusing on gratitude, while reflecting intentionally has served such a great purpose. I am not in the same space I was at the start of 2021. For that, I am beyond grateful. The amount of growth, lessons, laughter, tears and new forming spaces has opened my eyes up to be grateful each morning I wake up. In my yawning, scrolling, aching, and morning routines, I find a new meaning in being present.

I am proud of myself for not giving up.

Even on my toughest days, I see my beautiful blessings.

My Sunday will be spent creating beautiful stories. Currently, I’m working on a few project (both short pieces and longer works). Learning to have fun with what I’m doing, embracing who I am and believing I am capable has been rewarding. I’m proud of myself for having the courage to share my work, read my work aloud. Small steps but progress.

Fearless, 2022.

2022: Fearless

Can you escape yourself when you’re alone?

I’ve tried. I feel like I’m in the middle of a beautiful chaos.

The only thing I haven’t done that Solange named in Cranes in the Sky is “sexed it away.” It has been quite some time, casual dating in Philly has been hard, ha! I could start a whole new blog on that topic alone.

2021, thank you for being that year for me. That year that made me uncomfortable and scared of the thought of being alone. Not in a romantic way at all, but in a way that I had to sit with me. I had to face me. Confronting Heather in various ways and putting myself in check was not at all easy. As this year has come to a close, it is natural for reflections to glide alongside. Throughout 2021 I’ve made some mistakes, some decisions I’ve questioned and I have sat with an enormous amount of both pain & grief. With that, I’ve also experienced great amounts of gratitude and I’ve been able to see happiness while in the midst of both pain and grief. All things can exist in the same.

Experiencing one of the toughest transitions thus far in my life has also been one of the loneliest. I’ve had time to transparently sit with the thought “this has been tough.” I can name that and admit it has been tough. Moving during a pandemic has been extremely hard. It was one thing experiencing the pandemic while living in Atlanta with a community (friends), my dog Ava, and familiar places where I felt safe. Since living in Philadelphia, I have found it challenging to make friends (making friends as an adult already comes with its challenges), indulge in things I enjoy, and overall just adapting to a new lifestyle, quickly.

In a previous post, I shared my acceptance of being okay with the termination of phases in my life. The truth is though, it isn’t easy. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but the stretching, growing, aching and everything that comes along with change hit hard this past year. I purposely avoided season 5 of Insecure because it’s all too familiar. The space I’ve been in, I am sure the tears would’ve been non-stop each Sunday evening. I’ve been able to avoid some spoilers and I’ll get around to watching it soon.

On the outside, family and friends saw me beginning a new adventure in life. I packed up everything I owned and moved to Philly. I started my MFA in Creative Writing at Temple University, said no to things that were no longer working for me, and honestly, opted for something different. Going after my dreams had a new meaning for me, right before 30. You can change your mind at any time, I did just that. But the reality is, it has been lonely.

Inside, what you all didn’t see, was how bad I have been hurting this past year.

Transitioning from a full-time career, and taking a leap of FAITH came with quite a bit. The loss of meaningful relationships hit hard this year. My loneliness caused by the pandemic heightened. I questioned every decision I made. The fear of missing out crept up some of my gloomiest days. Grief still visits me on days I think I am over some friendships I lost this year.

There is beauty in not having everything figured out. For that, I will never complain.

God has kept me this year. New relationships have formed in my life, and I’ve nourished them with the strength in which I can. Meaning, I have tried to be kind to myself and not push past my limits.

2021,

I vowed to put myself first.

2022,

I am putting myself first without the fear of shame or guilt.

Each year, I choose a word that I intentionally focus on, meditate on, and lead with. One thing I am truly committed to doing is believing that I am deeply deserving of the things I desire.

My word for 2021: WORTHY

But I still allowed fear to lead me. Why? Because I didn’t believe I was capable. I questioned almost every blessing presented to me. I believed I was worthy but still allowed imposter syndrome to creep up and haunt me.

I’m done living in fear.

2022: FEARLESS

Scripture: Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. - Mark 11:24

Romantic Single: Love Languages

Deeply thinking about how I give and receive love.

I love all things romance.

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in right person, wrong timing? Maybe? Or the value in experiencing someone during a particular chapter in one’s story? I’ve recently watched some amazing Black love stories that have supported my thoughts in this sentiment which I go back & forth with (next blog post).

I love, love.

I simply love romance. Within any experience, whether it’s self-love, intimate, platonic. I enjoy cultivating a connection of care, appreciation and vulnerability. Experiencing honesty, sharing warm linens with someone the morning after, legs connected at the thighs. Can you tell you I love deep-descriptive engagements? Poetry? Notable mention, a shared space of silence between myself and another is deeply appreciated. I love novels, fine champagne, classic Black silk robes, jazz music, Pinot Noir, French cuisine, fresh bouquets of red roses, Black love.

I enjoy intimacy, self-luxurious activities. I enjoy experiences. I enjoy kind and gentle partners.

I enjoy sex.

I’m currently enjoying and embracing my single journey. My deepest love during this time is for my creative art. My characters develop each day. I find comfort in beginning new freshly blank journals. I can honestly say, I catch flights often and occasionally catch feelings, both can exist LOL. I’m in a space of maturity and self-awareness to engage in casual sex with shared communication of healthy boundaries established up front. I absolutely love things that make me feel both present and alive.

All these things can be true, be present, and have my desired love languages involved; in both receiving and giving.

For Self-Love

I absolutely love spending time with myself. My top love language for self-love is Quality Time, through and through. I drown myself in ways I find luxurious, beautiful pleasuring. I take myself on some of the best dates if I must say so myself. My time is spent intentionally doing activities that I find enjoyable escaping whatever reality may be true to enjoy the moment. Grasping onto moments where I can stay present, enjoying myself and loving on myself gently.

One of my favorite ways to spend time with myself is taking myself to dinner and a movie. I usually begin each week with a brand new beautiful bouquet of flowers, intentional journaling time (Sunday Love Notes), and my selected day of the week where I will plan my date night. Depending on the week (and budget) I’ll plan multiple activities. I never regret spending time with myself and giving myself what I want and need. I don’t deny myself the pleasure I need, that’s in any aspect or form. I appreciate well thought out intentionally time with myself.

For Receiving Love

Being a writer I am in love with thoughtful word exchange. Words of Affirmation is my language in receiving love, which can be shown in many forms for me. I am truly appreciative of a written word exchange and melt at verbal word exchange. Receiving a written note, a card in the mail or even a post-it note left in one of the many places I’d find it. Can you tell I’ve done this before?

This love language for sure is best appreciated with action, but knowing that I am appreciated and can indulge in a conversation about that appreciation does something for me. I am still one who appreciates written letters full of expression.

My friends STILL receive letters and cards from me outside of special occasions.

For Giving Love

You express to me what you may need? You’re vulnerable enough to share what would be most helpful during a difficult time? If I’m a guest in your home or invited to any family outing, I often struggle with being “just a guest.” I give love in Acts of Service. I pride myself in being a great listener, strong communicator and one who is willing to adjust and correct where needed, but with listening I also honor the ways in which I can make someone else’s journey lighter.

Acts of Service is something I truly value in my friendships and relationships. In expression, and on the receiving end. Being an educator, I’ve always valued my communicative relationships with others and being in service.

Sharing any space with anyone I’m always focusing on multiple aspects of peace, appreciation and service.

Reflective Spaces

When taking the love languages quiz, I deeply reflect on the statements and apply them to where I am currently. The fact that they have one for singles was helpful, Lol. I think my languages have definitely changed over time based on experiences, reflections and most certainly discomfort during the pandemic, career change and change of focus in various areas.

I’m deeply flawed.

I’ve experienced many environments, relationships and ever-changing friendships that have allowed my way of thinking and expectations of reciprocity to shift.

The love I have for myself within continuously grows stronger as the days pass. Therapy has aided in a healthy way to shaping my views of self-love.

Current Reads:

Seven Days in June by Tia Williams

While We Were Dating by Jasmine Guillory

Pussy Prayers by Black Girl Bliss

Until next time.

Heather.

Express Yourself: A Sunday Journal Note

This morning as I watched the sun rise, a color of burnt sienna, I played what felt like a never-ending game of a tussle with my sheets. Waking up from a beautifully vivid dream, sleeping in peace was a place I wanted to stay. This still quiet Sunday morning I laid in bed much later than usual which was met with an abundant feeling a gratitude.

Expressing gratitude verbally aloud to myself is a practice I became more intentional with in my 29th year.

Waking up in my 30th year is a blessing.

Understanding more of who I am, what my wants and needs are, while navigating change has been a transformative journey within itself. As I am still celebrating my birthday weekend, I am in a place of peace, stillness and rest. I’ve experienced my own luxury which includes many books, red wine, comfortable silence, fine dining, journaling and tears. Yes, the evening of my birthday, the tears just flowed. I didn’t even try to mask the feeling of being untrue to anything other than what was present.

For the past few weeks I’ve been grieving change, loss of friendships, transitions, out with the old, my own recognizable personal changes and a series of feelings that have overstayed their welcome. The morning of my birthday, I was truly grateful to see yet another year, messages from loves ones and begin a new chapter, a new decade, in a new city with a new perspective. Throughout the day, my thoughts were on go.

We must accept that things change, people change, and often, we can get so caught up in our personal tornados that we forget to appreciate the beauty within the change, transformation and termination of things.

I’m growing to become okay with the termination of phases in my life.

To my thirty-year old self, I want to remind you:

That it is okay to experience multiple feelings at once. Allow your feelings to show up, greet you how they may and stay for however long they need to. To feel is to be human, to allow your feelings to spend time with you grants you the opportunity for understanding. When you allow yourself to feel, you are acknowledging a part of yourself that wants to be recognized, she deserves the space.

Don’t minimize your accomplishments because others may feel intimidated by them. For a long time, you’ve allowed others the space to project their fears and insecurities onto you, not anymore. Continue to strive for what it is that YOU seek, don’t allow anyone else to do that. As you continue to navigate your way, try new things, fail at new things.

Express yourself in your art. Write what you desire.

Every relationship or friendship doesn’t need closure. The grief you are coming face-to-face with may need acceptance, grace and even time to simply pass. Remember that relationships aren’t possessions, they are experiences. You deserve to experience what once was, what is now and who you are growing to be through your own personal healing and satisfaction. In various aspects, what is meant to be, will be. Show up for yourself, forgive yourself. You’ve accepted the fact that you aren’t perfect, so live.

Therapy has been a tremendous growing space for you, continue with it. I encourage you to reach new levels of honesty, face what you fear and allow therapy to hold you accountable. Address the issues you have with yourself, in a bold manner. The nurturing relationship you have with therapy, continue to hold it at your standard to strengthen your mental health and be in partnership with your self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Be honest about the things you enjoy. Be honest about the things that bring you pleasure, satisfaction, joy and essentially peace.

Heather what are those things?

I love, love.

I love romance, experiencing honesty, sharing warm linens with someone, legs connected underneath. As the sun rays may creep through slightly cracked blinds the morning after, a shared space of silence is appreciated. I love romance novels, fine champagne, Black silk robes, jazz music, red wine, smoked gouda.

I enjoy intimacy, self-luxurious activities. I enjoy experiences.

I enjoy sex.

I enjoy freedom.

Heather, make sure you allow yourself the space, time and fulfillment to enjoy these things every chance you get. Take more chances on yourself.

Just because you can carry the load, doesn’t mean you should have to. Over time, you’ve learned the true benefit of asking for help, setting pride aside to be honest with yourself and others when help is needed in various aspects. Please, no longer harm yourself in physical, emotional and mental aspects to prove it can be done. Allow others to show up for you.

Vulnerability is also strength. You’ve learned to become empowered by your story, your journey and those who choose to continuously choose to see the authenticity within you. Reflect on where you feel the safest, your most authentic, where is your mental health and peace most respected?

This is just a short note that I comprised as I was reflective on what gratitude has looked like for me these past few weeks, turning into months. Expressing my thoughts and feelings during a time of all my emotions sharing what I like to describe as a dinner table, has been helpful in seeing the beauty in transition and change.

At this new beginning, I am understanding that I am both a soft and strong woman with a deep appreciation of authentic feelings. Being able to navigate with a beautiful heart, allowing myself to feel and experience the natural joys of life is truly something I am looking forward to expanding.

I’m welcoming this new decade with an abundance of gratitude. I’m going to allow my expectations to be exceeded by choosing faith over fear. My ability to become more self-aware is vital as I make conscious decisions that are conducive to my growth.

Hello 30.

Heather J.

Replenish

How do you begin to heal the parts of yourself that are screaming to be free?

The parts of yourself that are seeping through your surface of delicacy with a bitter aroma, that sweet juices are unable to balance out? When does the part of yourself that wants inner peace begin to set accountable boundaries for change?

Go back to your origin story.

The story that you effortlessly began writing before your ability to see your desires clearly were damaged. For quite some time, an uncomfortable chapter in my life allowed me to be in an unfamiliar place where feelings of doubt, inadequacy and exhaustion were in control.

As my story is continuing to be written, still with many errors and cliff hangers, I’ve developed a stronger desire to indulge in what brings me pleasure, a sense of clarity and overall joy. Two weeks before my birthday, feelings have not yet set in that I made the bold decision to choose myself. I’ve been an individual on an indifferent pathway, often alone, that comes with its pros and cons. There has been this constant thrill in my life, that has afforded me many desirable experiences.

I am enjoying myself effortlessly, even though my milestone at this age may look a bit different than others within my community. My perspective on my writing, need for captivating pleasure, and peace of mind are priorities within my life during this chapter.

Time is unfolding and my pages are being written with the courage to set better boundaries with myself. Revisiting old thoughts, old feelings and releasing old habits will aid in my process to move forward. The power that comes along with setting better boundaries is an inner feeling that protects my well-being.

I begin my mornings with solitude, stillness and thoughts of intimacy. The kind of intimacy that awakens my soul, creates beautiful imagery in my mind and allows me to escape for seconds that transition into silent minutes.

I am replenishing intimacy with myself.

Water and natural oils roll off my structure, I study it as I begin to affirm the places dissociated from the rest. My continued exploration of self allows me to reexamine my wants and needs; my ability to be delicate and loving is shown in the rhythm of my fingertips. Our time together is uninterrupted, listening is intentionally is balanced as kind words are transmitted at a frequency attainable.

When I close my eyes and visit my favorite place, I am taken to a destination of luxury. A destination that includes rest, patience, books and all the sexual fantasies one could name. In my dreams is where my destination of luxury often visits me, but now I am visualizing it in the present form. I am surrounded by large bodies of water and souls that allow freedom and comfort to transcend between our connection.

“Within the celebration of the erotic in all our endeavors, my work becomes a conscious decision a long-for bed which I enter gratefully and from which I rise up empowered.”

— The Erotic as Power, Audre Lorde (1978)

The distant relationship between my pen and journal pages have met again. The distant relationship between the two was causing a silent disruption in my own life and my comfort was stifled. Creativity is a fuel that drives many of my pleasures in this life.

During this time of replenishing, it is my goal to sit with my work, sit with my joy and allow time and space to guide me. I think releasing the need to control but experiencing life as it comes has truly had a benefit in how I engage with myself (and others), which has made for more genuine connection in my life.

My origin story allows me to unfold organically and abundantly. It is only when I am honest with myself where I can fully grasp onto what I am missing and what needs to be replenished.

Replenishing my days with intentional rest is a continued priority for me. I am entering into a chapter where the need for both joy and peace must exist for me to feel a a sense of home. I desire to journey through a space where my creativity is not hindered by self-doubt and fear.

Chapter 30: Replenish

Patience: A Sunday Journal Note

taken from my journal:

I decided to spend time with patience this morning.

What is your favorite day of the week and why is it Sunday? For me, Sunday feels like the opportunity to reset intentionally when other days I often feel rushed and disingenuous with my intentionality.

The relationship with patience and I can be a bit imbalanced. I often find myself allowing the acceptance of patience to creep in and settle. Having patience with myself has been quite challenging lately and the thought of being patient during my current season has been coupled with worry and anxiety.

While experiencing the feeling of serenity, fear will then come along and my present self feels the need to rush past the feeling of calm, stillness and patience. I’ve often struggled with just letting things be.

Every day, I am choosing to nurse my wounds, sit with discomfort, allow myself to grieve and heal in my own timing. As time passes, I’m learning more about grief as I read about the subject and I’ve been able to identify the stages in which I’m in with grief. I am allowing myself to grieve feelings I don’t fully accept and grieve the loss of connections.

Increasing patience with myself is the goal.

I’ve made the commitment to embrace Sunday JOY.

Sunday Joy is simply allowing myself GRACE. It’s filling in wide spaces of puzzling thoughts with patience, allowing it to stay. It’s embracing peace and stillness.

For me, it’s allowing the sun to creep upon me in the most subtle way possible, the stillness in my bedroom to cause me to reflect and my personal views of self-care to be expanded. Sunday Joy includes smiles, tears, laughter, reflection and even thoughts of growth; its my personal space to elevate myself in the best way possible.

Simply a form of being.

Allowing patience to be present.

Adapting to Seasons: Extended Note

You.

Yes YOU. I see You.

Time feels like it is gradually moving by at a slow but steady pace and other times it feels like it's moving rapid and quickly without allowing yourself time to stop, gaze and catch your breath.

Your high standards, innovation and futuristic strengths often play a key role in where you see yourself in life, both in the present and future. Don’t be so hard on yourself in this moment.

You may often sit, look around and ask where your blessing is. Through all the challenges, growing pains, laughter & tears, you still wonder when your feeling of peace and breakthrough will present itself. 

The concept of patience for you, may be thoughts centered on your next career move, the yearning for stability in certain aspects of your life, developing a new craft or committing to change. Sometimes, it's not having all the answers when in fact you just wish you did. 

Even if it's one answer to push you in the right direction. 

From past experiences, you may have learned that rushing things with your own set agenda and lack of focus isn't always what's best but your optimism and positive spirit took everything as a "lesson learned. " So why is it different now? Maybe because you don't want to swim in a sea of regret or repeat the same mistakes you once made.

Word from the wise, allow yourself some compassion and grace while trying to figure this thing called "life" out. Don't feel pressured to have all the answers in a split moment or in the coming days.

Don't allow yourself to be a victim of self sabotage, celebrate YOUR JOY and the need to want to see your accomplishments come to fruition. Celebrate small wins and accomplishments.

There is value in reflecting on how far you've come. To see yourself and the growth you've made over the years is something within itself to celebrate. The habits you've broken, the relationships you've ended, the toxicity that you've wiped clean out of your life has helped you elevate to new heights, even if you don’t see it right away. That within itself deserves a celebration. 

We are bound to change our goals, dreams and aspirations and that is okay. You will continue to meet people who awaken a spark inside of you, let it flow abundantly. Someone may enter into your life and see you better than you see yourself in many positive ways, allow it to reveal itself.

Allow yourself to feel, self-process, reflect and even wonder but don't dwell on an intended timeline because some of the best destinations have the most beautiful, eye-opening, fun, often times confusing but worthwhile journey's with many captivating experiences along the way. 

To the person reading this extended note of affirmation,

I see you.

Because I needed this self-love note myself.

This is OUR note, OUR reminder:

We are worthy of rest and all good things coming our way. We are doing well. We are doing our best.

Releasing From My Grasp

While battling waves of sadness and re-visited grief in multiple days at a time, I find that’s where I can light my creative candle. It is during times of scattered thoughts, disbelief and echoes that I discover what I need to release desperately from my tight grasp.

“What am I being called to let go of?”

— WW (IG: @womanwriting)

Parts of myself are shedding.

I’m being called to let go of this negative thought attached to how I once viewed forgiveness. I’ve developed more intentional ways to connect with myself, forgiving Heather’s old self; realizing that the mistakes I’ve made in the past do not define me.

Digging beneath the surface, to the core, I am being called to let go of this fulfillment of being everything to everyone except myself. I have found myself giving to the point of empty, when my hands have been to the point of fragility unable to hold anything more. I’ve learned that all things break, including myself when I refuse to let go of this fear of asking for help.

The space between where I’ve been and where I’m going, I’m letting go of the fear of taking on other individuals projected thoughts and opinions about my personal journey. The path that I have chosen has revealed a courage, strength and overall resiliency within me that has been found through the depths of tears and faith.

Broken instruments still play beautiful melodies of perseverance.

My grasp has loosened and is ready to release the things no longer meant for me along this path that once worked during a time of abundance. I’ve looked in the mirror and affirmed myself that it is okay to change my mind, it is okay to want more and desire more. A beautiful human with a kind heart in my life reminded me that I deserve the life I want without qualifying statements.

So I am releasing the need of over explaining myself.

I am letting go of the explanations, pre-context and the fear of reaction to the decisions I choose to make for myself within this life.

As I journal and reflect of the thought of letting go, seasons changing, and the shift in my perspective, I can be grateful for the space of reflection and growth.

The aches in my & bones

Strains in my heartstrings being pulled

Salty tear ducts

Running endlessly through my night terrors

Is a strengthened version of myself reminding me that it is time to truly and indefinitely begin to

Release from my grasp and LET GO.

A Note to Self: You Deserve

Forgive yourself as many times as you need to.

Understand that the decisions you’ve made, the relationships you’ve cultivated and the time that you’ve spent working toward your purpose has value.

What harm can come from you moving toward a more meaningful and fulfilling life?

At times, the part of self that shows up for you is fearful, doubtful and can be second-guessing; that doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of greatness.

But what about the part of self that is truly going after what you want in life? The part of self that is truly captivated by what sparks a flame and creative joy within you that says “I’ve got this!”

Everyone has purpose.

You have purpose.

You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. You’ve used information that you had during a time in your life to make decisions to move toward what you wanted and saw alignment in.

“You deserve the life you want without qualifying statements”

— My Amazing Mentor, Ashlee Roberts

It’s okay if you change your mind. It is absolutely okay if your wants and needs change to fit the life you are seeking now.

You deserve rest. You deserve breaks. You deserve clarity. You deserve peace. You deserve love. You deserve space. You deserve kindness. You deserve JOY. You deserve healthy interactions. You deserve happiness. You deserve luxury. You deserve change. You deserve YOU.

Allow yourself to become more appreciative of the simple beauty within your life, beauty that is often overlooked due to this constant rapid moving in life; the constant need to be busy, productive. Reflect on how you view gratitude in your life in relation to relationships, meaningful relationships. Relationships that allow you to be authentically yourself.

Most importantly, allow yourself Grace.

Sincerely,

A note to self and anyone who needs it.