Free Mind.

The thoughts that were going through my mind this morning were thoughts of gratitude and adoration for self. True appreciation and comfort for self.

I’m so fucking proud of ME.

After my self-massage out of the shower, I looked at myself in the mirror and spoke those words to myself, I really meant it. I focused on who I was in that exact moment, the space surrounding me and who was looking at. I reflected on this past week. A smile appeared, I laughed. I am proud of me.

I don’t tell myself that enough.

The small steps toward my own healing and growth make me proud; I am able to recognize my own progress. This past Wednesday, I was able to be honest with myself in a session with my psychiatrist about a particular situation that recently transpired. After a helpful suggestion, I responded by saying out loud “my emotional maturity about that isn’t where it needs to be right now.” You may read this and think it’s simple. It’s not. It was not easy admitting that out loud, but when I did, I was honest. That is what really mattered to me in that moment. The ability to be honest, receive feedback, and remind myself that it may take some time to get me there. So until I am there, I was encouraged to spend time with that feeling. Not having an immediate solution works well for me. Also, with this situation and in that moment what was most helpful and rewarding to me was identifying and acknowledging my emotions.

This past week, I resonated and re-posted an image seen on social media: “say it with me: I can be proud of myself and want more for myself at the same damn time” (MichellCClark). Both can be at the same time, yes. There are some days I struggle with the latter more than others and find myself drowning in thoughts of comparison. I can be honest and say that. But even wanting more for myself can be areas of growth on the internal work I’m doing.

Focusing on gratitude, while reflecting intentionally has served such a great purpose. I am not in the same space I was at the start of 2021. For that, I am beyond grateful. The amount of growth, lessons, laughter, tears and new forming spaces has opened my eyes up to be grateful each morning I wake up. In my yawning, scrolling, aching, and morning routines, I find a new meaning in being present.

I am proud of myself for not giving up.

Even on my toughest days, I see my beautiful blessings.

My Sunday will be spent creating beautiful stories. Currently, I’m working on a few project (both short pieces and longer works). Learning to have fun with what I’m doing, embracing who I am and believing I am capable has been rewarding. I’m proud of myself for having the courage to share my work, read my work aloud. Small steps but progress.

Fearless, 2022.