cooking as a form of healing: anxious Black woman

My sensation and JOY after a long day is smooth soulful jazz, a glass (or two) of Pinot Noir and something well-seasoned in my oven. Thursday evenings are usually reserved for MY self-date and solo-celebration evenings where I spend intentional and uninterrupted time with Heather. This past Thursday evening, I had the sounds of Sade blaring through my speakers, a glass of Pinot Noir accompanying me in the kitchen AND my dinner in the oven.

Thursday Night’s Dinner Menu: (Appetizer) Fried Green Tomatoes with Goat Cheese & Sriracha (Main Meal) Pan-Seared Steak (Seasoned with Rosemary & Garlic), Oven-Roasted Red Potatoes (With Dill) and Lemon & Herb Marinated Sauteed Kale.

Cooking is a form of expressing creativity, experiencing peace and overall spending time with self. I’ve allowed cooking to be a place of serenity for me and a place of escape. When I feel myself becoming overwhelmed by my emotions, I cook.

I often struggle with sitting in “uncomfortable emotions” due to this constant need of being productive to mask my frustrations (although it helps, it isn’t healthy). Cooking helps me relieve any tension, anxiety or worry that I may experience.

Living with anxiety and depression can be challenging.

I’m consistently growing through my challenges while seeking and receiving the help & support needed to function on a daily basis; pulling myself out of anxiety attacks weekly is a heavy burden to bear. Cooking and expressing myself through writing, specifically poetry, helps calm my anxieties; but it doesn’t erase my anxiety or magically make my anxiety go away.

What it does do, is it allows me to be in a separate place for awhile. It allows me to surpass suffocation from the exhaustion of perfection. Cooking and writing allows me to be free, innovative and discover new pieces of myself I didn’t know existed because of .. my anxiety.

As time has passed, I’ve worked through my ability to be authentic with myself and understand that vulnerability is a gift to myself as I work through my healing. I am grateful for my skill of cooking, I am beyond grateful for the beautiful souls within my life that allow me to be me authentically me and whole without an apology. My love for those transcends to a height unimaginable.

Love Through Music

My Creative Recipe

Music Brings Me JOY While Cooking

A Seat At The Table, TRULY got me through some of the most challenging moments during my twenties-chapter. I still reflect on what that album did for me.

Waiting to Exhale, NOW! This soundtrack, I listen to weekly and Babyface knew what he was doing with this writing and the collaborations; such powerful BLACK women on this project.

India Arie, WELL. Anything by this woman is absolutely phenomenal and life changing. Specifically, Voyage to India and Songversation.

I’ve come to the realization that what I need most on days where I feel stagnant is my cooking & creativity. I need peace, patience and the space to fail, pick myself up and try again. To recognize the light within myself that ignites a passion that I’m able to fulfill. I need to stand firm in the reconstructed boundaries I set for myself and others.

What I need most is to recognize that I am human and I am not defined by my past of the things I’m continuously learning and unlearning through this transition.

Take your time.

Love yourself more.

Love, Heather

@shecooks.too

My Cup: Standing Firm In Personal Boundaries

The sunlight serves a beautiful purpose each morning when I wake up. The sun plays hide & seek in between my slightly cracked blinds and the rays hit my bare skin with a blistering heat. Before I close my eyes at night, I often contemplate on closing those slightly cracked blinds but I enjoy the moonlight lighting up my bedroom space and the shadows on my ceiling.

My mornings have become routine, anxiety hits me before I even reposition myself to get out of bed and I usually have the tendency to talk to myself, positive affirmations, before I say good morning to my dog child, Ava.

It’s two weeks before my birthday and I am in an agonizing funk.

I’m slightly overwhelmed. Being a Black woman in pain, suffering in an excruciating silence.

While continuously striving to be the best woman I can be, perform as an academic scholar, be all the things I’m expected to be and heal through tough transitions has been heavy. Transitions that involve academia, job-function and all the things us twenty-somethings go through.

Lately,

My days have been extremely long, my dreams have become ultimately bizarre, I feel as though I’ve met my new therapist in a past life (she is amazing) and overall I’m just doing the best I can with what I’ve got.

Setting personal boundaries is something I’ve been diligently working on within myself over time, through countless therapy sessions, recent experiences and just the overall concept of exhaustion.

Throughout the month of July, I’ve been in the hospital 3 times. Yes 3. The current pandemic has things off balance and a bit all over the place but I’ve been hospitalized due to stress and exhaustion, and having anxiety plays a key role as well. I’ve had sinus infections, strep throat and all the things other than COVID-19 but I’ve still been in a personal panic. Now within that, I’ve also been battling racial battle fatigue on a daily basis.

Now. I’m in a doctorate program, working full-time, holding myself accountable to various outside writing projects, balancing a social life (while social distancing) and being just overall human. I have quite a bit on my plate and not adhering to reasonable boundaries has had me in a bind, a tight bind.

Boundaries

“I would like to set some boundaries moving forward. Please be mindful of the times frames in which you choose to reach out to me. This has happened more than once at an extremely late house. I hope you can adhere to my boundaries. ”

— Heather J

Boundaries are something I’ve struggled with throughout my life. As I’ve gotten older and really have dug deep into therapy, opening up childhood wounds; a lot of my conditioning and core beliefs around boundaries began in my childhood. I’m the oldest of four, I’ve always taken on extreme leadership in both the home and school but most importantly, I think a lot of key things within my identity as a Black woman and continued development has caused me to believe to be all things to all people.

My Cup: Standing Firm in Personal Boundaries and Not Feeling Guilty For Saying “No”

During this pandemic, what has stood out to me the most is how I respond during times of uncertainty and unrest. As a Black woman, I’ve been more mindful of what I allow to take up space in my mind, presence and overall being. It’s crucial to identify blockage, challenges and changes you desire to make; control what you can control, yes, but my response has a been equally important.

I’m battling everyday with this concept of fight or flight response.

I’ve been second-guessing myself, passing up on opportunities and even shying away from my greatness. My relationships with friends have been tested, true colors have come to the surface and I’ve overall tapped into this self-awareness that has been buried all along. My boundaries and what I allow has shifted. Although, I am working through quite a bit in therapy, keeping a daily journal and seeking God daily & praying for discernment, I’m disciplined in keeping my word. Pay attention to the shift in your boundaries and what you allow.

Each day is a new day to learn from the previous day, hour or week. I’ve shifted my way of thinking toward trying to learn from decisions I’ve made or thoughts I’ve had. Anxiety has my thinking all over the place but with great friends, outlets and therapy, even that has gotten better.

Reflect on the type of life you want to create for yourself. Will that life require sacrifices in friendships, decisions and an overall way of being? YES, it just may. Working toward a better me if the ultimate goal and protecting my peace and staying true to my boundaries is my ultimate goal.

I challenge you to set intentional boundaries for yourself and continue to communicate when you notice someone violating yours.

Love,

Heather J.

@shecooks.too

In the wild

In the wild is where you found me.

A wild woman with dreams, hopes, fears and someone continuously running from an invisible horror.

The wild accepted me for who I was, never wavered and kept accountability at a distance.
It was with you where I found peace, divine beauty, action-oriented exchanges

And a home.

In the wild, a place that won’t accept me fully anymore.

Soul Connections: Korin

The next day,

Reoccurring thoughts played through my mind as I reflected upon the place of serenity in which I had been taken. I had been taken to a place of peace, fantasy and even expectation. The expectation came from a familiar feeling that mirror-imaged a slight remembrance.

Korin Alivia appeared.

She had your eye structure, cheek bones and even your smile. A smile that doesn’t even compete with the sun rays on the brightest days. We dreamed of this moment, and there she was.

Words re-appeared that had a deeper meaning in a beginning no one saw coming. A thrilling beginning that brought joy, the feeling of newness and the overall beginning of an unfamiliar but worthwhile journey.

The next day,

Gratitude arose at its peak. It payed me a visit during my vulnerable state of being.

My sense of smell reached new heights, my heart grew full and my overall memory was taken to a place of serendipity. I am grateful, forever grateful for time, patience, understanding and deeper depths.

I am grateful for the soul connection shared between her and the agave.

I am grateful for,

Love.

tarnished petals

I think January is my free-trial month.

Saturday evening, I left my therapist’s office feeling better than I did when I walked in, which was a plus but I truly was in a state of deep reflection. She boldly asked me, Heather, when are we going to start teaching people how to treat us? Knowing that I walked in with my heart and mind set on a theme centered on vulnerability. It’s something that I find myself struggling with in different phases of my life, being vulnerable within my writing isn’t as tough as verbally being vulnerable, especially with those closest to me.

In 2019, well, actually for quite some time, I’ve been battling waves of depression and deep anxiety. I think 2019 was the year for me that I realized that I didn’t have to go through challenging times alone but how do I shift my thinking when most of the time, I feel alone? I struggled with balancing relocation, starting a doctoral program, learning a new job and still trying to succeed through accomplishments and accolades that were just hiding a woman struggling with perfectionism. Living in survival mode throughout my entire life and truly navigating hardships and challenges, all I know how to do is “make it work.”

Well, I’m tired. Sis needs a break.

With all that, sometimes I fall into isolation mode and I’m overwhelmed with the expectations from others and even my own crazy expectations that often come with hard deadlines. I think we continuously ask one another on social platforms, who does the strong friend vent to, but in actuality there is a heavy feeling that comes with the thought. I find myself becoming exhausted with continuously holding space for others while not being vulnerable and honest enough to name where I currently may be. I distance myself from anyone who threatens my strengths, questions my competence and doesn’t value my personal space. My therapist challenged me to still hold space for others and remain genuine but be more honest with myself and others during times where I’m down in the valley but appearing to be on the mountaintop.

These days, I’m becoming more self-aware and allowing myself GRACE while trying to name my wants and needs more directly. I also believe, that distinguishing your wants & needs from others truly does help with managing your emotional connections. I’m detaching away from this assumption that others know what I may be struggling with and even being thoughtful enough to check-in on me.

2020,

I am coming to you with love, expectation and abundance. May my heart continuously unfold, may my virtue of patience be strengthened and may my intentions remain pure. A woman of many talents, flaws and desires. I come humbly to reclaim what is mine. I am no longer playing small or minimizing what greatness I have within the deeper depths of me.

“there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you”

— Maya Angelou

To the woman struggling in her season,

Your spark will return. The light you own that illuminates the world will still shine when you return.

Some days are gold, some days are blue, but you are still worthy, regardless of what hue of colors present themselves.

Trying to unlearn past behaviors and cope with change can be challenging but you’re growing, continue to be true to who you are. Show up and know that you are deserving of all things entering your life. You belong in that space. At times, Impostor syndrome may present itself but know that someone’s believes in you. You will accomplish goals you haven’t even known were possible yet.

You are capable of great things.

So I say this to whomever may be reading, allow yourself to feel, process and heal in your own timing. Our own personal stories make us who we are and contribute to our identities as we navigate through this beautiful life.

My word for 2020 is EXECUTE, time to start doing MORE, speaking less and stop playing with my potential.

This too shall pass.

With love,

Heather J.

@shecooks.too

Letting Go: Be Patient With Yourself

Draft: February 11th, 2019

Letting go, is a form of self-care.

Letting go of the need to control every aspect of my life has been a common theme that I’m ready to speak on transparently. I owe it to myself to free the space in my mind for more positive thinking.

Continuously placing myself on my own intended timeline in life has created great anxiety, it has erased the JOY I feel in the current moment and often times it makes me feel unworthy.

In fact, I deem myself to be successful, smart, grateful and a woman who is led by God. On some days, it’s hard for me to see the beauty I’ve fought to gain in life because I’m wasting time trying to control every aspect of it.

Gratitude

Having a heart of gratitude goes along with the optimism I carry on a daily basis but I’ve reflected on the idea that I need to do more. It’s easy for us to list the things we are grateful for and I personally have a gratitude journal that I spend time with but what if I began to do more? I began practicing gratitude by verbally expressing to others that I am grateful for the space they hold in my life. I’m grateful for overall forgiveness, forgiveness of myself and the forgiving heart that God is continuously working through with me. I’ve allowed more space and I’ve shown others ways in which I have become more forgiving. I’ve interrupted my daily anxiety with gratitude.

Fear, Fear of Letting Go

I recently had a talk with my therapist about the fear that is attached with “letting go” for me. The fear that if I let go and I don’t have a grasp of what’s going on in my life, I begin to feel like I’m caught up in my own personal tornado. I have this idea, that I need to have control of the things that I apply for, experience and the beautiful things that enter into my life.

Above, this was a blog post that has sat in my draft box since February 11th. Life got to me and I lost grasp of my creativity and I fell of my personal timeline of completing creative projects.

During the month of February, I was stretched to capacity. Stretched in uncomfortable, creative yet successful ways. I found myself in spaces that were often dark and I was in the valley. But I’ve also found myself on the mountain and in spaces where I learned quite a bit about myself, my ability to be patient was tested and my overall FAITH had been tested.

I’m blessed beyond measure. I say that out loud to myself every morning.

Within the two months that I began this blog post above, I started writing during an era of self-doubt and negative self-talk. I can now say that I’ve found light and blessings within my personal struggles. It was hard to cope during my challenging times because I didn’t find the JOY in my writing anymore.

Since then, I my writing has been featured in websites and blogs I read daily to find my personal light.

I’ve relocated to a new city, started a new job, blessed to say that I will be starting my doctoral journey later this year and I am continuously growing in LOVE.

Remember to be kind to yourself.

End Goal: Self-Compassion

"I challenge you to give yourself kindness."

My therapist spoke those words to me and I slightly cringed at the thought of, "I try my hardest to do such a thing - I think I do a good job at it." But the reality of the situation is, I don't. There is always more room to grow, to give and be a beacon of light to myself just a bit more. 

I'm the hardest on myself, I can admit. 

Maybe because I am the one deep down inside who truly knows what I am capable of, so when I produce anything less I can be super critical of myself. 

My profession and natural aptitude of communication, care and compassion has me conditioned to always put others first - continuously pushing out that kindness at often times forgetting about myself. 

I struggle with this concept of telling temporary people permanent things because I love seeing the good in people and I love communication among others; but then I feel bad for opening up. I'm challenging myself with the idea that maybe, just maybe I am teaching someone something along the way with my words. 

Writing deadlines creep upon me like no other, I am critical on myself if I don't have a particular flow because again, I get the final say, right? I'm challenging myself to be more accepting of my work and realizing that it may inspire another. 

I challenge you to give yourself more kindness and grace along the way. Along the way of navigating valid feelings.

Being kind to my body also serves a meaningful purpose. 

“Loving every inch of me from my hair follicles to my toes”

We both will work through the journey of wrapping ourselves in kindness, joy and love.

Self-Compassion is the end goal. 

Gentle Reminder

Recognizing where I've been these last couple of weeks hasn't been easy. 

It hasn't been easy admitting that I need help in various areas. It hasn't been easy recognizing that I've been ignoring my own mental health to appease others and it definitely hasn't been easy trying to explain to others the space I've been in lately. 

Between various transitions, countless amount of hours spent at work, maintaining multiple budgets and trying to squeeze date nights in where I can; it's been tough. 

A few things have warmed my heart this past week. The simple things in life, like being surprised with sunflowers, having students shower me with words of affirmations at the most unexpected times and overall realizing that I am the light in someone else's dark days. It makes me smile, it brings me peace, it truly is a blessing within itself. 

One of the things that I have tried to remember during challenging times is that, they don't last always. Challenging times are presented to us at times to spark a fire within us, to strengthen us and to overall show us the beauty that others may see in us on days that we can't even see it ourselves. 

This is a simple reminder for anyone going through a storm, anyone struggling with patience and for those during their season of harvest - your abundance is coming. 

Love always. 

Letter to my Younger Self

Hey Young One,

Smile, because you want to. Not due to someone else's inability to see your joy and falsely label you. Smile because brighter days are coming and you are here to accept them fully.

Love yourself first. Love yourself first because no one else can give you the self-love, compassion and fulfillment that you must seek within. The journey to self-love isn't easy but allow yourself time to develop. Comparing yourself to someone else's self-love journey will not allow yours to flourish more brightly, it only weakens your pedals. Your pedals are intended to produce love, joy, bright colors, dull colors and everything in between in its own time.

I want you to understand that what you give may not be given back in return but you're a natural giver which means you have to know when to say no. You have to know when to say enough is enough. When you give others pieces of you that require time, energy, and emotion, understand that you are making an investment in which you may or may not get back. So I advise you to learn this as early as you can, but it is okay if you stumble and fall

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

You will be labeled professional, poised, sassy, angry, challenging, tough, conceited, not good enough, difficult, over-achieving, and witty and the list may continue. Just know that the ones who label you aren't writing your story, you are. As you are writing your story, please note that not everyone will subscribe, understand the grammatical errors or know that there are many run-on sentences. Do you. Be You.

Understand that every heartbreak, upset, temporary failure and milestone you reach is for a reason far beyond your understanding. Each setback is a setup for a comeback that will put you in a far better place than you imaged.

You fall hard. You will fall hard. Failed relationships are meant to teach you. Follow your dreams, live out your goals, be a beacon of light to others; there is time. The guy you end up with early on will not be the guy you are within moments to come, but know that over time developing a relationship with self is more valuable than a heartbreak will ever be. Give yourself time to grow, develop and be great!

Develop relationships with others, but also know that when you begin to feel disconnected have a self-check moment and remind yourself that you are worthy.

No need to put all your eggs in one basket. Why? The reason why is because the plans you have set, God has already laughed at and thought otherwise. Where you are now, is not where you thought you'd be a year ago. Trusting him is the best thing you can do along this journey.

“Trying to untangle my knots, Is like telling the ocean to visit quietly”

— Watering Her Roots (H.Macon)

You will evolve into a strong, innovative, brave young woman. Not everyone will be able take on the confidence that you possess. Some won't understand your joy and that's okay. See, they haven't seen where you've been, they don't know where you're going. They don't know what you are capable of? They have no idea. Melanin, Magic, and Magnificence, keep striving.

Lastly, Heather, I want you to give yourself the Grace, kindness and Encouragement that you deserve. Not always hearing it when you needed it along this journey, may hold weight. Understand that you are shaping lives by the day and that matters. Even though you may not hear it, know that your knowledge, growth and power inspires someone.

I'm writing this letter to you because I want you to know that throughout this journey you will grow, you will be tested, you will fail. Hear me, you will fail. But failure is what is going to make you into a strong, courageous woman who in fact will be confident within herself to withstand what is thrown her way. You will be taken on various journeys that the lord intends for you because he wants you to be molded in his image. You can AND WILL weather the storm.

Week Collections: Embrace The Gem You Are

Some weeks are better than others but nonetheless, I am grateful and I'm continuously practicing gratitude. 

This week, I was challenged with fatigued, anxiety, and I wasn't as productive as I would have liked with a few personal projects. But alongside that journey, I was also graced with love, countless amounts of self-care and I remembered to surround myself around those who were good for my mental health. 

By the end of Friday evening, I was sitting in my living room eating cornbread, re-creating my vision board and watching documentary after documentary on the royal family; and I gathered my week reflections:

“I allowed myself to open up to someone, erasing the fear of vulnerability ”

Continue To Enhance My Light

"Jenifer, everybody loves you. You're talented, you're fun, you're fabulous. You just come off as intimidating. You need to calm down girl." - Mother of Black Hollywood (Jenifer Lewis) 

A title in my summer reading challenge happens to be Jenifer Lewis's memoir - and I tell you, when I read that paragraph, I re-read it, I re-read it. I won't spoil the chapter and/or the outcome of the chapter but I will say, it allowed me to understand that it's okay to be authentically you. There will be some folks that consider you a gem while also categorizing you as  a threat in their life. 

“I re-visited the idea that people do not mind seeing you do well, not at all - but the celebration stops when their insecurities arise”

Evaluation of Support

I often remind myself of this deep, yet chilling statement: "no one has to support you, but be thankful for the ones that do." I have to remind myself of that when I begin to become sulky and questionable of those closest to me - when I don't receive the support I assume I should be getting and/or the support I feel as though I deserve from those meaningful relationships. 

I'm a internal processor but for me I also recognize that there is peace in reaching out for a second opinion to gain clarity on a situation. I usually do this with an honest person who sees me better than I see myself and will correct me where I'm wrong. There are a few moments where I feel as though I can be too sensitive to a situation or not look at the bigger picture. I can admit that.

It meant a lot to me to hear the words, "you are doing more than enough, accomplishing great things and you must realize that just because someone that means a lot to you isn't as expressive as someone who you wouldn't expect does not mean they don't recognize the amazing things your're doing." The stubbornness in me immediately responded with "yeah, I know but ..." Then I began to remind myself of who it is that I am. A person who continuously allows myself grace, self-celebrates and is going to continue to strive regardless of the outcome. So why not grant that same grace. 

“Hearing “I’m so proud of you” when you really feel like you aren’t doing enough really does lift a lot of weight off of you ...”

I'm Human

I feel. I have emotions, no matter how much I try to block them out. It's okay to cry, but in the words of Jenifer Lewis "Don't Sit in Sh-t Too Long!" It's okay for me to recognize when I've had enough and I want to voice that. No matter how many times I try to rise above what is reflective, it's okay to communicate how I truly feel. There are people who will remind me that I'm human and that I too am allowed to feel. 

I took away a deeper appreciation of the authentic relationships in my life, the importance of honesty with myself and the overall theme of recognizing that I am doing enough without validation. 

Current Summer Read: The Mother of Black Hollywood - Jenifer Lewis

If you have some time, please watch this interview below - major gems and wisdom. I'm glad I am reading her memoir and taking away some reflection during this chapter in my life. 

May Her Roots Be Watered

May, 

I'm taking the time to continue to celebrate myself and all the accomplishments, achievements, joys (regardless of the size) and overall milestones I've reached. 

It was early morning, before the sun rise when we met. The feeling of new beginnings overwhelmed me and the thought of entering a new season brought an upward curve to me face. 

During National Poetry month, I was able to see the fruits of my labor by releasing a well-overdue project, but a project that allowed me to share my truths, swim in my own self-affirmations and shed light on the importance of healing, growth and abundance. 

"Watering Her Roots," is indeed an introduction as to how I am going to continue to live out my life, polish my crown and walk with Grace. 

May, my focus is alignment; I've been in a great place and I owe that to the  development of the mindset supporting release. If it's for me, it's for me. If something isn't for me, it will easily slip from my grasp and I will pray for peace. 

Forgiveness is on the forefront of my mind and will be the theme blended with expressions of gratitude as we make it to the halfway mark of 2018. 

I am attracting everything that is for my highest good. New opportunities, new energy, new mindset and new connections. 

A Letter To The Woman Who Struggles To Celebrate Herself

To the woman who struggles to celebrate herself, 

I see you. 

Although you may feel as though the crown you wear is chipped, over-sized, and at times too heavy to carry, you and your accomplishments still matter. Your successes and accomplishments are still valid no matter the size, journey or criticized judgment from others around you.

At times, you allow your anxiety to trump your creativity and your own happiness. I'm writing to you because I want to share a message: what you accomplish, create and work toward is larger than that defeat. It may be tough, letting the vibes of anxiety and weariness pass a frequency to you that presses you down making you believe that your self celebrations don't matter. 

Last week, my fellow Queen had to pass a gentle reminder to myself, celebrating yourself is the first step to self-care. If you don't celebrate you first, how can you allow others to celebrate and support you?

Playing superwoman is in your nature. It's invested in you to help, heal and listen to others but who is your superwoman. It can be you, if you allow it to be. You can give yourself the surprise dinners, positive affirmations and pats on the back for accomplishing a milestone no matter the weight. 

No matter how small the accomplishment or how large the failure, the first step is recognizing that you put in the effort to go toward something you wanted. It can be easy to swim into a sea of regret or trip on our words but what matters most is that you tried. 

Struggling with perfectionism is something that has caused blockage in my own journey to celebrating myself; so I'm writing this letter to share that there is beauty in imperfection. Although it may be hard to see, there is someone else who finds your courage, strength and compassion motivating so don't dim your own light.

You can't always expect others to be excited about what God is doing in your life, but what you can work toward is more self-celebration. Your accomplishments are not measured by how many applauds you receive, how many "likes" or comments are posted and your accomplishments are truly not defined by how much someone else accepts them.

You eagerly wait for the "we regret to inform you .." rejection or you expect the worst when submitting your best work. You consistently put your best foot forward but forget to allow yourself grace in the process. At times your charisma and laughter can light up a room but behind closed doors you secretly hide the fact that you are battling between being proud of your current accomplishments and being too hard on yourself, your own worst enemy saying "you need to go a little harder."

As stated above, allow yourself grace. 

You often silence yourself and your accomplishments due to fear of outshining someone else or being criticized for having the motivation and courage to go toward something they may actually want but are too afraid themselves; GO FOR IT. 

Don't allow yourself to be a victim of self sabotage, celebrate your joy and the need to want to see your accomplishments come to fruition. 

There is value in reflecting on how far you've come. To see yourself and the growth you've made over the years is something within itself to celebrate. The habits you've broken, the relationships you've ended, the toxicity that you've wiped clean out of your life has helped you elevate to new heights, it deserves a celebration. 

So when you pick up your pen to create art, when you book a solo trip, when you apply for that job or institution, most importantly when you overall do something that you want to do that allows all your courage, strength and self-belief, celebrate yourself and it's accomplishment.

Celebrate yourself more in 2018 and beyond! Acknowledge even the small accomplishments. 

To the woman who struggles to celebrate herself,

I see you. 

Signed,

A black woman working toward celebrating herself, her crown and all the failures that make the successes worth it!