Draft: February 11th, 2019

Letting go, is a form of self-care.

Letting go of the need to control every aspect of my life has been a common theme that I’m ready to speak on transparently. I owe it to myself to free the space in my mind for more positive thinking.

Continuously placing myself on my own intended timeline in life has created great anxiety, it has erased the JOY I feel in the current moment and often times it makes me feel unworthy.

In fact, I deem myself to be successful, smart, grateful and a woman who is led by God. On some days, it’s hard for me to see the beauty I’ve fought to gain in life because I’m wasting time trying to control every aspect of it.

Gratitude

Having a heart of gratitude goes along with the optimism I carry on a daily basis but I’ve reflected on the idea that I need to do more. It’s easy for us to list the things we are grateful for and I personally have a gratitude journal that I spend time with but what if I began to do more? I began practicing gratitude by verbally expressing to others that I am grateful for the space they hold in my life. I’m grateful for overall forgiveness, forgiveness of myself and the forgiving heart that God is continuously working through with me. I’ve allowed more space and I’ve shown others ways in which I have become more forgiving. I’ve interrupted my daily anxiety with gratitude.

Fear, Fear of Letting Go

I recently had a talk with my therapist about the fear that is attached with “letting go” for me. The fear that if I let go and I don’t have a grasp of what’s going on in my life, I begin to feel like I’m caught up in my own personal tornado. I have this idea, that I need to have control of the things that I apply for, experience and the beautiful things that enter into my life.

Above, this was a blog post that has sat in my draft box since February 11th. Life got to me and I lost grasp of my creativity and I fell of my personal timeline of completing creative projects.

During the month of February, I was stretched to capacity. Stretched in uncomfortable, creative yet successful ways. I found myself in spaces that were often dark and I was in the valley. But I’ve also found myself on the mountain and in spaces where I learned quite a bit about myself, my ability to be patient was tested and my overall FAITH had been tested.

I’m blessed beyond measure. I say that out loud to myself every morning.

Within the two months that I began this blog post above, I started writing during an era of self-doubt and negative self-talk. I can now say that I’ve found light and blessings within my personal struggles. It was hard to cope during my challenging times because I didn’t find the JOY in my writing anymore.

Since then, I my writing has been featured in websites and blogs I read daily to find my personal light.

I’ve relocated to a new city, started a new job, blessed to say that I will be starting my doctoral journey later this year and I am continuously growing in LOVE.

Remember to be kind to yourself.