Replenish
How do you begin to heal the parts of yourself that are screaming to be free?
The parts of yourself that are seeping through your surface of delicacy with a bitter aroma, that sweet juices are unable to balance out? When does the part of yourself that wants inner peace begin to set accountable boundaries for change?
Go back to your origin story.
The story that you effortlessly began writing before your ability to see your desires clearly were damaged. For quite some time, an uncomfortable chapter in my life allowed me to be in an unfamiliar place where feelings of doubt, inadequacy and exhaustion were in control.
As my story is continuing to be written, still with many errors and cliff hangers, I’ve developed a stronger desire to indulge in what brings me pleasure, a sense of clarity and overall joy. Two weeks before my birthday, feelings have not yet set in that I made the bold decision to choose myself. I’ve been an individual on an indifferent pathway, often alone, that comes with its pros and cons. There has been this constant thrill in my life, that has afforded me many desirable experiences.
I am enjoying myself effortlessly, even though my milestone at this age may look a bit different than others within my community. My perspective on my writing, need for captivating pleasure, and peace of mind are priorities within my life during this chapter.
Time is unfolding and my pages are being written with the courage to set better boundaries with myself. Revisiting old thoughts, old feelings and releasing old habits will aid in my process to move forward. The power that comes along with setting better boundaries is an inner feeling that protects my well-being.
I begin my mornings with solitude, stillness and thoughts of intimacy. The kind of intimacy that awakens my soul, creates beautiful imagery in my mind and allows me to escape for seconds that transition into silent minutes.
I am replenishing intimacy with myself.
Water and natural oils roll off my structure, I study it as I begin to affirm the places dissociated from the rest. My continued exploration of self allows me to reexamine my wants and needs; my ability to be delicate and loving is shown in the rhythm of my fingertips. Our time together is uninterrupted, listening is intentionally is balanced as kind words are transmitted at a frequency attainable.
When I close my eyes and visit my favorite place, I am taken to a destination of luxury. A destination that includes rest, patience, books and all the sexual fantasies one could name. In my dreams is where my destination of luxury often visits me, but now I am visualizing it in the present form. I am surrounded by large bodies of water and souls that allow freedom and comfort to transcend between our connection.
“Within the celebration of the erotic in all our endeavors, my work becomes a conscious decision a long-for bed which I enter gratefully and from which I rise up empowered.”
The distant relationship between my pen and journal pages have met again. The distant relationship between the two was causing a silent disruption in my own life and my comfort was stifled. Creativity is a fuel that drives many of my pleasures in this life.
During this time of replenishing, it is my goal to sit with my work, sit with my joy and allow time and space to guide me. I think releasing the need to control but experiencing life as it comes has truly had a benefit in how I engage with myself (and others), which has made for more genuine connection in my life.
My origin story allows me to unfold organically and abundantly. It is only when I am honest with myself where I can fully grasp onto what I am missing and what needs to be replenished.
Replenishing my days with intentional rest is a continued priority for me. I am entering into a chapter where the need for both joy and peace must exist for me to feel a a sense of home. I desire to journey through a space where my creativity is not hindered by self-doubt and fear.
Chapter 30: Replenish
